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  • Heather

The Elixir and The Fawn

Updated: Jun 29


If all is but a mirror in the maya: here is a chapter in time from a never-ending story.

Sansha is you, she is me, she is the part of us all discovering who we are when we are free from the need to find approval in others. In the face of fear and uncertainty when we strip off our protection to find the essence of the divine, a hidden pearl of wisdom to guide us through. She is the safe space inside us and that we may find in another that feels like home and belonging. She is unafraid to speak up. The Queen of strong and rooted resolve in the bee-hive-mind around which all else is created through her infinite rhythm, pulse, hum, vibration.


Her beloved Thorstar is her faithful rod of support, a builder, a creator, a magician. His love and theirs is power and protection. He is the magician in you that forms and shapes your reality through choices, actions, words: learning how to trust again in his intuitive knowing, in her.


Meesha, is who we thought we were, who we thought we should be. She is the one who’s smile never shows the unearthed pain within, pushed deeply down to be the good little daughter/son/wife/husband; the one who doesn’t push boundaries for fear the mirror may shatter into a thousand splintered pieces, who won’t adventure to the edge of exploration within or without. She is the part in all of us who believed the book of lies and subjugation of rigid religious doctrine or even the obsessive grip of material science and she is who we must leave behind, if we are willing to hear and follow our soul-cry. ………………………………………………………………………

The Elixir Sansha drank up the healing elixir that Carlin, the medicine woman had brought. A deep violet colour, the colour of the night’s sky: Sansha drank up the universe. It soothed her entire being as soon as she took it in, a warming, mellow effusion travelled up and out from the depths of her belly to envelop and enliven every inch of her being: the elixir felt like a loving embrace, clearing out the shadows, allowing a heat from within to melt any icicles that clamped around her heart. It felt like tingles and sparkles popping on her skin. The elixir contained the living waters from the Temple Well; imbibed with crystalline light of Awen that gurgled across the cliffs of the dragon lines. She felt the earth’s energy course through her veins, tied to each vacuum of light across the globe; the wisdom of tribes and ages long gone, sang through her bones.


‘You’re ready now.’ She heard Carlin whisper.


Her vision was clear, her faith gripped her like a magus clasped his staff, pure knowing flowed through her – spirit would guide her steps. She closed her eyes connecting with the sages and travelling through time/space to meet the higher wisdom of the Sophia. The veils of transcendence, of ascension shimmering and shifting in her womb space to reveal the coiled serpent spiralling higher, her throat felt tight, she gasped a little as she saw masks peeling back to reveal the head of a snake, her forehead pulsing, fear gripped hold. Was this her? The evil within herself? Was it the guise of someone she knew? Him? Her breath calming a little as she remembered the teachings of the magi: the dormant serpentine energy awakening to pierce the illusions of the Maya into winged knowledge of the spheres. Sansha breathed in deeply, knowing that the gifts of Shakti, the higher wisdom of the Sophia, the Shekinah were bestowed upon her. In removing her mask, she again was shown her true spiritual nature, the spark, her essence clothed by the garden temple of her body. Her heart hammered, the draw toward spirit was so strong. She felt like she was floating, mystical mirages flickering before her as she slept that night, she left the earthly plain.


The distractions she had absorbed herself in: gripping and grasping in part to dull the pain of being without him and in part as an attempt of claiming redemption and atonement for perceived past wrong-doings, had her clawing through the dark blind-folded and frayed, fixating on transcripts the mind would present yet that left her with the bitter distaste of emptiness.


Her true nature was wise. She could discern the lies that her tribes had been fed from misguided misogynists and dark masonic puppets cutting people off from the land and demonizing teachers like Carlin. Castration from the earth, from source, from the codes of the electric and magnetic flow that fuelled men and women with a sense of power and purpose that still so few would step into. The fog enveloped the minds of those in her home country like thick black smoke, many stayed hidden away fanning their fears of plague. Only certain souls were drawn to ask deeper questions of the words she spoke, many still baulked, her light too blinding and the shadows she spoke of, too dark.


Their perceptions still frightened her and kept her from saying more, although those closest to her that held her council dear heard her voice with more encrypted conviction now, they would listen instead of talking over her. In her dream space she broke through, breaking down to her mirror-self in tears, remorseful for letting fears take hold driving her actions away from her belief in the higher power of cosmic love. Her mother’s light shining through beside her in the dream, her beloved maternal lineage re-writing time-scripts, freeing fears with each small victory to the light.

……………………………………………………………………… Thorstar's focus, laser sharp on her if perhaps apprehensive, the risk fuelling him forward. She could feel his pull toward the Earth also, reflected perfectly. Not knowing the details but understanding they were both stewards of the Westward dragon lines, the Aorta of their Ayrshire linking and synching their orbitals together. She, her eyes of such light and such dark, his ever-muse to build and wizard-craft his soul-light into form. Led by love from cosmic spheres melding, lured ever-onward, shadows falling behind. Beyond the realm of jarring, sharp thoughts taking life as it comes: they floated as sparking creation flamed anew. She, the leader soul for his dance through the darkest skulls of death to emerge, solar light burning in his lion heart. Her knowing: his permanent succour. ………………………………………………………………………

The Fawn Sansha beamed as she skipped along the earthy path beyond where she had just glimpsed the fawn blend out of the thick woodland, amble gracefully along the same path, turn and look at Sansha with the biggest brown eyes brimming with golden light before merging into the forest again. Moments like that had always lit Sansha up, from when she was a small girl, there was such ineffable magic in her animals. The leaves brushed her face and some brambles teared at her bare legs, but she noticed not so absorbed in the lush green bounty surrounding her. Blossoms were blooming and the birdsong, a cacophony of tones mesmerising Sansha somewhat. She drifted higher with her thoughts until she felt like she was floating through the trees, the scents so sweet and heady. She started suddenly, catching sight of Mari bringing her thoughts back to her plans for the next months ahead. Mari was the oracle when it came to crops and creating plenty for the people in the village.


‘Mari!’ Sansha exclaimed. ‘My mind has been whirring, can we really cater for the 2000 in our district?’


‘With the right kind of magic, of course, Sansha!’ Mari winked.


It made Sansha ponder spells of loaves and fishes, a swelling in her heart: Yeshua’s love her forever guide and friend.


‘I’ll see you tomorrow Sansha.’ Mari hurried on with her day’s errands, her skirts swooshing along the dusty path behind her.


Sansha’s heart full from the exchange, meandered on, drifting back to the land of ‘no-thought’ exhaling and closing her eyes, flying free from the last of her remaining doubts. She let her mind meander with her, imagining his arms around her bare shoulders, his hands rough from working with stone sending chills down her spine as they reached the nape of her neck. Her stomach tensed as she dreamed her dream into life…


‘Show yourself.’ she softly whispered. ………………………………………………………………………


Thorstar sat, lost in the woods again, breathing hard. A pearl of sweat dripped from his forehead onto his lip. He tasted the salt from his toil and the salt in the air from the fresh, coastal breeze as he inhaled, all one and the same, he mused. He tried to clear his thoughts, and still his chattering monkey mind from the voices that kept him feeling constantly on edge. His thoughts naturally came to rest with her, he squinted his eyes toward the sun as the clouds drifted apart. He wondered about his notion to learn more from with the wizened, old stoneworker along the lane and looked down at his hands, imagining hers in his. The same kind of dread and fear started to rise like a hot furnace. How could he make such a change? ‘There’s no point in that, don’t be stupid’. Was that his voice or his father’s? He breathed into his belly and let the voices subside. In his heart he felt such a yearning and such a sickening fear of the same yearning – it brought him to his knees in surrender.


‘God if you are with me – show me, just show me!’ He spoke out loud, in desperation.


The clouds parted again as the sun blinded him in answer, he looked away and sighed. Inescapable, inexplicable, he felt like he’d been drugged and dragged through bushes backwards to reach this blinding light, both a blessing and a curse, so bright, there was nowhere left to hide from the revelation. Too many days, months, years, life-times trying to squeeze himself into the box he had weaved with his words, he could no longer breathe there: her ghost, his only air. Every heart beat throbbed and felt like a magnified punch to his guts. His stomach cramping up as he arose to his feet, preparing to admit to Meesha that the box didn’t fit any longer, and tell of his unspoken, ineffable love for Sansha.

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