As we moved toward the last quarter of 2019, I had an inspirational trip to San Francisco with Heart Based Medicine, the presentations addressed some key issues that float my boat such as how do the accumulative effects of trauma impact our physical and emotional health; how can higher spiritual concepts be applied within the medical world and where is the bridge between modern day medical and technological advancements with being humble human beings who on the whole simply desire to live in peace and feel deep connection to their lives and those around them.
Returning home, my mind was buzzing with ideas, how to tie up projects in my own life that weren’t lighting me up and step into a path of true dharma, heart led and enthused. I was excited to share with anyone that would listen, not least my closest friends. One of my closest connections seem to fizzle around the same time that I returned, and I wasn’t quite sure why. I was putting everything I’ve learned over the last few years into action: non-attachment, staying heart centred, focusing on the highest outcomes for all, staying true to myself, maintaining my deep faith but something just wasn’t jiving and a wee small trigger around Autumn equinox brought me to my knees once again. Why was I experiencing such hurt when no-one had actually done anything to me… I was definitely replaying past experiences and the likelihood was that the trigger penetrated deep beyond relationship ups and downs in recent years - back to any disharmonious early life experiences, back to the energetic epigenetic footprint from my maternal (and paternal) lineage and some would say back to past-life encounters.
I had recently seen a dramatic shift in one of my clients who had been working with a psychotherapist using the ‘Rewind Technique’, a simple visualisation technique to support the processing of traumatic memories. In my own mind I thankfully hadn’t ever experienced the likes of trauma that veterans speak of or victims of physical or sexual abuse. However I knew that there were ‘less shocking’ elements of trauma that I had been through in the last decade and maybe if I could process those aspects it could help my repeated cycles of depressive mood state especially during the dark moon phases of my monthly cycle. In reviewing data from the ACE study, it’s clear that the accumulative effects of even small incidents of trauma such as a break-up, a job-loss, a financial blow can build up to cause health imbalances in body and mind. The ‘Rewind’ technique works by allowing memories to be shifted from the amygdala to the neo-cortex consequently reducing highly charged emotional responses including the freeze-response from certain triggers or experiences.
I knew that one of my dissociative coping mechanisms to avoid dealing with or thinking about more challenging aspects in life was to essentially spiritually bypass, and escape to the world of dreams and fantasy, so easy to do in today’s culture of ‘just make a vision board and it’ll come true’. I can very easily relate with an unseen world of energetic connection, potentiality and magic but lavishing there had got me £20K into debt over recent years and a tendency to ignore reality ! Time to sign up with a therapist… whit! I only told a couple in my closest circle, feeling those mental health taboos strongly, it even felt a little self-indulgent.
At the same time, I signed up to FearFit’s resistance training programme, getting a little bored with going too easy on myself in my yoga practice and solo runs, I needed to switch things up a bit. Two months on and I’m feeling a bit like a new woman and I love lifting weights! Building more muscle means more cells in my body with more mitochondria packed in, I know these little energetic furnaces play such a huge role in the sense of vitality that we feel and exude.
Four sessions of psychotherapy had me dive deep into the events of the last decade including the birth of my daughter; my marriage ending; beautiful and painful lessons in love and family mayhem. Talking it all through to a non-judgemental, experienced, wise ear was so helpful! It made me realise how much we bottle up and I’m generally quite an open person. She gently coaxed me back out of fairy land into the real world of taking steps forward wearing my ‘worthy boots’. When we take responsibility for our own lives, pay attention to our strengths and use them to put one step in front of the other on our 'worthy path' and let go of guilt, shame and carrying other people’s ‘stuff’ around, life tends to get better. And then onto the ‘Rewind’ session, the therapist led me through a visualisation technique over the most traumatic periods in ‘observer’ mode, noticing what came up without attaching emotionally and to finish we ‘rewound’ to the start of the period in question. My mind took me all the way back to 2012, I’d just come home from four years in America, lit up to be back with my crazy family with my beautiful baby and starting out a new job with a fun and dynamic team, I felt alive ! I felt strong, capable, filled up with love and so sure of myself... actually it was similar to how the weights sessions were making me feel.
Wow, to be connected back with that feeling, I drove off completely elated. That same week, I’d been offered a contract with an inspiring lady who had just so happened to sign onto my retreat in October. The new role allowing me to bring my previous experience in clinical oncology research, yoga, exercise, retreats and business altogether. I closed the chapter on the healing journey I’d been on, singing some good old 80s power ballads as I drove off into the sun just to be flashed in the face with a couple of other-worldly synchronicities, reminding me to keep my heart open to some deeper desires still. Ok I hear you, magic does exist 😊. But the true magic is feeling it within yourself and using that to step out and step forward on your path: being the best you can be (body, mind and soul), devoted to the frequency of love, allowing that to bring bliss to the blockages and connect us to higher states of consciousness. Bring heaven down here to earth by being beautifully, authentically and uniquely you. Happy earthly Taurus full moon. ❤️